Jacob looked over his shoulder back down the hallway. The tension that had trailed Kathy from her apartment was almost tangible. He could feel it coming off her in waves.
He pictured Kathy’s stepmother behind the door of their apartment, her arms stiff and pulled in tightly at her sides with her hands balled into bony little fists. Her face would be all pinched up with her nostrils flaring after Kathy had slammed the door in her face.
Jacob liked to call her the Ostrich, though he would never say it out loud. She had thick dark eyebrows and small little eyes that were almost black. At a good six-foot-two, she towered over Jacob, but she always lifted her head slightly as she greeted him and cocked it away, her neck stretching as she looked down at him at an angle from above, with a smile more like a sneer. The first time he had shaken hands with her she had completely enveloped his hand in both of her own and then pumped it up and down with an exaggerated motion, like she was bringing down a hammer. She was strong, and her hands were cold. Like ice.
That had been three months ago, when the Ostrich—or Stepmonster, as Kathy preferred to call her—had moved into the apartment with Kathy and her father. Jacob had never met Kathy’s mother, but he knew she lived downtown in a loft above a coffee shop. Kathy had told him she was an artist and that she traveled a lot, but she had never been much more specific than that in the year or so Jacob had known her. Sometimes Kathy would tell him about visiting her on the weekends or on some days when she would ditch school. She would always say stuff like, “it was the best,” or “my mom is just so fucking cool you know,” though she was never any more specific than that either. Jacob liked to think Kathy’s mother was like some kind of gypsy woman, or a hippie—painting peace signs and flowers as she drank herbal tea.
Kathy began to tap her foot impatiently, her forehead wrinkling up in folds as she watched the numbers light up above the elevator. She was breathing heavily, and as Jacob turned to look at her he stared, watching little beads of sweat appear at her hairline, twinkling in the light. Kathy gave him a sideways look.
“What?” she asked, and Jacob stared back at her blankly. He almost reached up to her forehead but he stopped himself. He began to shake his head and tell her it was nothing, but before he could she said, “I don’t want to talk about it”
She looked back up and then let out a huff of air. “What the hell is taking it so long?”
“We could take the stairs,” Jacob said.
“It’s six floors. No way.”
Jacob shrugged. “We’re going to be late.”
“So?” she asked, turning to him and cocking an eyebrow. “Who cares?”
* * *
When they got outside they walked silently for a couple of blocks before Jacob reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and popped one out for her. He always kept a pack on him even though he didn’t smoke. The best way to get people talking was to make them comfortable, and nothing made a smoker more comfortable than having a cancer stick in hand, puffing away at it like it was a task that needed accomplishing. Kathy never seemed to notice that Jacob didn’t ever actually take one for himself.
They stopped under a tree and she took it from him, her face lighting up. She smiled crookedly. “You’re a life saver, Jacob.”
He lit it for her and she took a long drag, her eyes watering slightly, and she coughed.
“Sorry about earlier, huh?” she said. “I just can’t stand that damn woman. She knows how to get under my skin.”
Jacob nodded and his eyes dropped to her arm. In the shade it looked pale and nearly blue, as if he were looking at it under icy water. Once though, he had taken her arm playfully when they were walking across a busy street downtown and it had felt spongy soft and warm in his hands. In the sunlight she had this creamy glow to her skin. Like soft peach light under wax paper. He remembered he had liked the way he could fit his entire hand around her forearm without his fingers touching.
“She hates the fact that I don’t take her shit you know? Not even when my dad’s around.” She snorted a little as she laughed. They started walking again. “She’ll give him one of those looks like, ‘control your daughter Michael,’ and my dad will give me one of those looks like, ‘c’mon Kath be a sport,’ and I’ll give him a look like ‘you’ve got to be kidding,’ and then she’ll get all pissed at him for ‘giving in’ to me. She’ll get red in the face and storm off. It’s great.” Kathy took another deep drag and the tip of the cigarette glowed a hot bright orange.
“Is that what happened this morning?” Jacob asked. He swallowed hard as she dropped her hand and it brushed slightly against his. He wondered what she would do if he grabbed her hand and held it. He tried to picture himself doing it and what it might look like from outside of himself.
“No.” She blew out a cloud of smoke. “The bitch stole my lunch money. Said I didn’t need that much money for food. That I didn’t need that much food. What right does she have to do that? It’s not her fucking money. It’s my dad’s. She had no damn right.”Kathy began to walk a little faster and Jacob sped up to match her pace. She was breathing heavier in between puffs of the cigarette.
“I let her have the damn money though. I just took what I needed from her purse when she wasn’t looking.” She slowed and gave Jacob a little smirk. “Plus a little more for my trouble.”
As they reached a corner and stopped, Kathy dropped her gaze to the sidewalk, shuffling her sneakers, scuffing at a black spot on the concrete. When she looked up she had a half-lidded sleepy look to her eyes and the corners of her mouth were pulled down. There was a man and a woman standing beside her, waiting for the light to turn so they could cross, the woman slightly swinging her briefcase and smiling and the man tapping his foot as he looked at his watch, but at that moment Kathy didn’t seem to be aware of anyone or anything. She turned to Jacob, who had been watching her.
“I was so pissed at her this morning I didn’t even get to eat breakfast. I’m starving. You wanna go get a slice or something? Stepmonster’s treat.”
“It’s eight in the morning.”
She rolled her eyes. “You’ve never ate pizza in the morning?”
“I didn’t know anyplace served pizza in the morning.”
“Sure they do. I know a place.”
“What about school?” Jacob asked, trying to look slightly concerned, though he was anything but.
“We’ll just ditch a few periods. No one will even notice. I do it all the time. Live a little, huh?” Kathy took one last drag of the cigarette and then dropped the butt to the ground, grinding it down beside the black spot with the tip of her sneaker. Jacob reached into his pocket and fingered the pack as she did it. He held one out to her before she could even ask to bum one.
“Life saver man. Cherry,” she said resting the cigarette in between her lips and leaning forward so he could light it.
* * *
They got to-go boxes and then walked to a park off of Heritage, near downtown, to eat their pizza. They sat on a wrought iron bench under an oak tree by the bike path and watched as old people in faded jogging suits made loops of the park at a brisk walk.
Jacob had wanted to sit in the grass in the sun but Kathy, already sweating, said she didn’t want to burn, and so they stuck to the shade. Jacob had hoped he would be able to see her skin again and that peachy glow in the sunlight, but when he realized how close they would be able to sit together on the bench, he had perked up. She even dropped her arm in between them at one point, letting it rest right next to his, their skin touching. This time it felt warm and slightly wet from the little beads of sweat on her arm and it made him think of the condensation on the outside of a glass; so slippery and smooth you couldn’t keep a good grip on it.
Kathy tore off chunks of her pizza and balled them up as she put them into her mouth. She started with the crust and worked her way down. Jacob did the opposite, working from the point of the slice up. He liked to finish with the bread of the crust. Kathy said she liked to finish with the cheese.
There was a woman on a blanket across from them and a toddler near her in the grass was staring at Kathy as she ate. She began to make funny faces at him, dangling loose pieces of greasy cheese in front of her face. He squirmed and clapped his hands together giggling and the woman, probably his mother, reached over to pat him, but she didn’t bother to turn around to see what he was looking at.
Kathy put her pizza down and then brought up her hand and flipped the little boy the bird.
Jacob started and almost choked on his pizza. “What’re you doing?”
“Teaching him how to flip someone off.” She smiled as she made the motion again, this time slower. She gestured at the boy’s hand and then back to her own, showing him how to do it.
“You should cut that out before his mom sees.”
“What if she does? Big deal. He’ll learn it in a few years anyway. Best thing for him too. It’s decisive. There’s no middle ground bullshit when you flip someone off. Fuck you. Period. Kid should know that.”
“I don’t know. He looks pretty sheltered to me.”
Kathy lowered her head and looked up at Jacob. “Sheltered? We’re pretty sheltered, Jacob. Doesn’t mean shit.” She rolled her eyes and popped another chunk of pizza into her mouth. She lifted her hand again and brought her middle finger up. The little boy attempted to do the same but only managed to lift his pointer and middle finger into a crooked peace sign.
“Now that’s just all wrong,” Kathy said shaking her head. She flipped him off again and an old man jogging by gave her a dirty look. He clucked at them like a mother hen and slowed as if he were about to say something. Kathy glared at him and made a move as if she were about to stand and the old man flinched a little, speeding up. Jacob threw a pepperoni at him after and he passed.
Across from them the little boy stood up and took a few staggering steps in their direction. He fell and then tried to get up again. Without even turning around his mother reached behind her and wrapped her arm around his waist, guiding him back to the grass beside the blanket.
“That’s a mother’s instinct for you.” Kathy said, dropping her hand. “Knows when her kid’s up to no good but doesn’t care to bother with the details.” She balled up the last bit of her pizza and jammed it into her mouth. Jacob stared at her. There was something about the way she had said “mother” that had sounded wrong to him. It had almost sounded sweet.
Kathy stood up. Still chewing she said, “Well, I think I’m going to go for a little jog myself.” She began to jog in place, exaggeratedly pumping her arms and lifting her legs. After a moment she stopped and laughed a little, trying to catch her breath. She took a few steps back and Jacob could tell that she was going to ditch him.
He stood up quickly and then fumbled as he tried to catch the pizza box that had been sitting in his lap. Kathy smiled and reached out to steady him without actually touching him.
“You go on ahead,” she said. “I think I’m going be ‘absent’ just a bit longer OK?”
Jacob sat back down awkwardly. He knew if he offered to be “absent” a bit longer too, she’d just tell him she’d changed her mind, or she would get real quiet until it was painfully obvious she wanted him to go.
“I’ll catch the last few periods, huh?” She turned to go and then spun around with a frown, “ Hey you don’t happen to have--” and Jacob pulled out another cigarette for her just as she finished, “--another smoke?” She smiled and then gave him a wink as she took it and started to walk backwards away from him. “We’ll catch up when we walk home, OK?” She held up the cigarette and then motioned toward him with her head. “Later OK?” Then she turned and walked away briskly down the path, towards downtown.
Jacob watched her go until he couldn’t see her anymore and then he stood up and looked the opposite way, which would take him to school. He really did want to be “absent” a bit longer too, but he didn’t have anywhere else to go. He wasn’t about to trail behind her like a lost little puppy either though, even if he did kind of want to, despite the fact that she had pretty much kicked him just then.
He put the pizza box on the bench and then wiped his hands on his pants, trying to get rid of the grease on his fingers. When he looked up he saw the little boy in the grass had stood up again and was staring at him, and then with a grin he lifted one of his pudgy little hands in the air and flipped Jacob off.